pieces
05.20.08 (11:22 pm) [edit]
“It’s only a city,” my brother reminded me. He was driving through Chicago and decided to call while he passed my college.
“Remember when you were homesick that first week and just wanted to move back and I told you, ‘Look, you’re sad now but one day you’ll be back in Cleveland and you’ll want so badly to be back there, right where you are now?”’
He likes to refer to freshman year and my conversation with him the first week of school. I told him that I wanted to come home, live there and simply ride my bike to John Carrol.
I pause and know he is smiling on the other end of the phone.
“It’s ok.you’ll be back one day. But I was right…” he laughs.
Once again I miss a place that gave me comfort. I realize a place has as much power as I chose to give it. But for some reason, when I was living there, I felt whole. I felt like I was who I needed to be and if that idea got muddled, I could drift back to it easily. I felt like I could do anything, mediocre, astounding, it did not matter- if I wanted to focus my energy on that, it could be done.
I felt at peace with what I loved. I did not second-guess what I loved, only whether it could get me by in life. I wondered whether talent could be enough and I enjoyed pondering the union of the two. And then I left. And somehow those feelings were shaken up and never settled back.
It is just a place, but it made me happy. It is just a place but the people there made me happy. I’d like to believe I found something real. Real because they still make me happy.
It is just a place.
The pull people have can be overwhelming, giving a setting its true potency. The friends there still miss me and I miss them. Despite the quick and powerful tide of life and the distance put between people, if they truly care about you and you truly care about them- the tide is just a challenge that you can force aside.
The other day I drove over a bridge in downtown Cleveland and as the sun set I began to think. The emblazoned colors decorated the sky and the architecture stood bold. And I felt a sense of urgency- I felt I needed to stay. And it was not because I chose the city over any other. It was not because I couldn’t imagine being that happy somewhere again.
It was because I just wanted time to become centered and comfortable and allow the pieces shift into place. I guess that time will come soon enough..
“Remember when you were homesick that first week and just wanted to move back and I told you, ‘Look, you’re sad now but one day you’ll be back in Cleveland and you’ll want so badly to be back there, right where you are now?”’
He likes to refer to freshman year and my conversation with him the first week of school. I told him that I wanted to come home, live there and simply ride my bike to John Carrol.
I pause and know he is smiling on the other end of the phone.
“It’s ok.you’ll be back one day. But I was right…” he laughs.
Once again I miss a place that gave me comfort. I realize a place has as much power as I chose to give it. But for some reason, when I was living there, I felt whole. I felt like I was who I needed to be and if that idea got muddled, I could drift back to it easily. I felt like I could do anything, mediocre, astounding, it did not matter- if I wanted to focus my energy on that, it could be done.
I felt at peace with what I loved. I did not second-guess what I loved, only whether it could get me by in life. I wondered whether talent could be enough and I enjoyed pondering the union of the two. And then I left. And somehow those feelings were shaken up and never settled back.
It is just a place, but it made me happy. It is just a place but the people there made me happy. I’d like to believe I found something real. Real because they still make me happy.
It is just a place.
The pull people have can be overwhelming, giving a setting its true potency. The friends there still miss me and I miss them. Despite the quick and powerful tide of life and the distance put between people, if they truly care about you and you truly care about them- the tide is just a challenge that you can force aside.
The other day I drove over a bridge in downtown Cleveland and as the sun set I began to think. The emblazoned colors decorated the sky and the architecture stood bold. And I felt a sense of urgency- I felt I needed to stay. And it was not because I chose the city over any other. It was not because I couldn’t imagine being that happy somewhere again.
It was because I just wanted time to become centered and comfortable and allow the pieces shift into place. I guess that time will come soon enough..
posted by: Sevil (reply)
post date: 07.24.08 (7:09 am)
I sometimes miss it or miss that time too...