revisions

Looking at the decisions that I’ve made recently, it is easy to see the presence of the human factor that my Dad spoke of. .I’m not sure if I’ve explained the idea before but it is simple and I believe it to be true.
It was during a typical coffee shop trip with my Dad that we discussed his idea. We sat in Caribou and he told me this: people know exactly what they want and what they need to do in order to achieve their dreams. He said people are born knowing the exact steps they need to take so they can reach their goals…the goals that will lead to happiness.
Likening this knowledge to a map, he said we each have one…deep down we know what we need to do in order to get to where we’d like to be, but the human factor gets in the way. When he said this I didn’t know exactly what he was getting at…

The human factor is different for everyone, he continued, and is not simply one event or one person but a multitude of things that occur throughout ones life. Nonetheless, it is what side-tracks or re-navigates our course.

Coming to the United States, my Dad’s plan was to avoid a silly and violent war in Lebanon and receive a wonderful education so he could return and make his family proud. He carefully chose a major that would allow him to thrive within Beirut and began to pursue that goal. One afternoon at a café he met a wonderful woman and her friend. Sitting at their table with hot fudge and bananas, he quietly observed his best friend do all of the talking. And as they visited with the two young ladies, he became apart of this “human factor” phenomenon…He married that lady and stayed in Cleveland instead of returning with an electrical engineering degree.

After he explained this, he assured me that the human factor was not good or bad but simply part of life. It can be the death of a family member, the diagnosis of a close friend, a natural disaster or an unforeseen stroke of fortune…things not drawn out on your map to happiness. Because no matter how well thought out your plans or how heartfelt your intention to follow them, life has its own method…and it does not seek your consent and can not be erased…
And so, my recent feelings…a pull to stay in Cleveland for a little while longer…I can honestly say the human factor came into play in many ways and I knew it was happening even while it continued on…
I believe the hardest part about knowing it was occuring was accepting it and calmly going with the tide that was nudging me… Because my initial reaction was to run --to go far away in the opposite direction. I did not want to admit defeat or allow something that was unwritten to script my next steps…
But I forget sometimes that life works out.  It has an odd way of adjusting itself after time.
And so, after this summer and after revisiting a good friend’s advice…I am feeling at peace with going with the flow and not running off too quickly. The good friend, recently lost his fight with leukemia but I glanced back at his message which even at the time struck something within me...I had told him that I missed him and was already looking forward to returning to Cleveland to watch more Brown’s games with him or just get some coffee and he said, “I miss you too but I bet this makes you think twice about where you want to work…”
And it was simple and it was something I’d heard before but for some reason, I heard him.
And when he left …it threw me off. I was not ready. But that is how life comes and goes…on its own schedule. And so, I think for now I am going to submit and allow this idea to gently lead me to the next step. Besides, I can always revise my map …