full circle...
11.28.07 (6:08 pm) [edit]
Full circle… that is how my brother described life the other day. It seems simple. It is simple. But how does it happen exactly. If someone would have asked me where’d I d be four years later…after packing up my life, getting a dorky tropical fish tattoo that I promised myself I’d get…and traveling to Chicago for college ..a city where I knew one person- a waiter I worked with at Aladdins…I would have been speechless.
I still don’t know what pushed me to get up and go. It was probably the same feeling that pushed me to get up and come back and the same one that grows and at times is so overwhelming that I want badly to go and pour myself into whatever it is that I’m doing so wholeheartedly that I will blow others away with my dedication… and yet I don’t know where exactly that place is…I keep skimming the surfaces to try and find it though.
And so here I am. Sitting in a coffee shop that I’ve sat in before…and maybe I was a different person at that time but I can’t go back now. The odd thing about the full circle concept is-- although things or routines pass around again, they are not as they were when they first passed…they are more and more complex each time. Yet, I wonder if it means something when people let go; and once they’ve let go, the feelings they have said goodbye to, fail to dissolve fully…How do those feelings become stirred up again…does that mean those people are “constants” within your circle?
They say there are several kinds of people you encounter…those that come into your life to make an impact and leave and only that change is left with you…or people come in and quickly flow back out for a brief period so that you can realize something; maybe something about yourself, or something about life but they have a mission and once it’s completed, they go. Then, there are people who will be there…through your happy faces and not so friendly faces…through times you can’t imagine passing and through times when their support is least expected but much appreciated…and sometimes they are in the background and other times they are front and center…but they are always there.
Full circle. I am back. Lost and not sure the next step because it is a new step and starting is a tricky endeavor. There seems to be this degree of courage, daring, stupidity, and blind faith that mixes together within me and I hold onto it with both hands because it has led me down a good path before….The path that led me to all of the wonderful experiences, people, and lessons learned the first time…that path that led me back to a degree of strength after life tried to test my legs…and those of my friends, just to see if we could stand tall and stand together after it was all through.
I am here. In the coffee shop as I have been many times before…thinking and overanalyzing as I have done many times before. I wonder…if I pass around the circle again, will I meet those that have been “constants” in my life again…I am probably not allowed to know for certain. That’s the whole catch about the full circle concept. You cannot see around the bend…you have to wait, be patient and live one day at a time and in time…
I can say this for certain: I did not picture myself where I am now. I would not have consented had I been asked…but I am thankful for meeting you guys on the way back around. I’m ready to take my next steps and trust you will be near by...
I still don’t know what pushed me to get up and go. It was probably the same feeling that pushed me to get up and come back and the same one that grows and at times is so overwhelming that I want badly to go and pour myself into whatever it is that I’m doing so wholeheartedly that I will blow others away with my dedication… and yet I don’t know where exactly that place is…I keep skimming the surfaces to try and find it though.
And so here I am. Sitting in a coffee shop that I’ve sat in before…and maybe I was a different person at that time but I can’t go back now. The odd thing about the full circle concept is-- although things or routines pass around again, they are not as they were when they first passed…they are more and more complex each time. Yet, I wonder if it means something when people let go; and once they’ve let go, the feelings they have said goodbye to, fail to dissolve fully…How do those feelings become stirred up again…does that mean those people are “constants” within your circle?
They say there are several kinds of people you encounter…those that come into your life to make an impact and leave and only that change is left with you…or people come in and quickly flow back out for a brief period so that you can realize something; maybe something about yourself, or something about life but they have a mission and once it’s completed, they go. Then, there are people who will be there…through your happy faces and not so friendly faces…through times you can’t imagine passing and through times when their support is least expected but much appreciated…and sometimes they are in the background and other times they are front and center…but they are always there.
Full circle. I am back. Lost and not sure the next step because it is a new step and starting is a tricky endeavor. There seems to be this degree of courage, daring, stupidity, and blind faith that mixes together within me and I hold onto it with both hands because it has led me down a good path before….The path that led me to all of the wonderful experiences, people, and lessons learned the first time…that path that led me back to a degree of strength after life tried to test my legs…and those of my friends, just to see if we could stand tall and stand together after it was all through.
I am here. In the coffee shop as I have been many times before…thinking and overanalyzing as I have done many times before. I wonder…if I pass around the circle again, will I meet those that have been “constants” in my life again…I am probably not allowed to know for certain. That’s the whole catch about the full circle concept. You cannot see around the bend…you have to wait, be patient and live one day at a time and in time…
I can say this for certain: I did not picture myself where I am now. I would not have consented had I been asked…but I am thankful for meeting you guys on the way back around. I’m ready to take my next steps and trust you will be near by...