It is nice to have a routine. What about a routine makes people feel safe and comfortable? It's almost silly in a way, to admit that if some things do not fall into place within my preconceived notion of a day, I feel out of sorts... Lately I have gotten into a new routine and it is nice because it allows me very little time to think or overanalyze..which only seems to happen later when I'm trying to sleep... For a several hours each morning I babysit a lady's two kids and I remember what it was like to have fun playing with figurines and ninja turtles and draw pictures labeling them "To: Mom"...and it makes me smile. For a brief time each morning, I have a glimpse into this world and it truly makes me miss its simplicity. And yet, as wonderful as it is, watching Hercules and having sword fights while looking foward to a break with some chocolate milk...making a fool of myself so I can hear them laugh.. I am alright with stepping out of that world and into my complex one..The one where I'm reminded how small I still am because I have little power over the day's events. People hide their pain , eyes look up and crinkle with the form of a smile and try to hide the sadness...friends are sick and lonely, work is hard to come by, the past is past and missed dearly...and yet...I am here. I can observe both worlds, and be thankful for them because I am both child and adult, just trying to find where i fit in..

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